


Dark Paradise

by freedomatsea



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Literature paints Neverland as a paradise for the lost, but the realm is in fact nothing more than a dark paradise. The effects of returning to Neverland wear heavily on Killian, tainting the relationships that he had only just begun to forge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song for this chapter "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey.

01\. Dark Paradise: Drown

_There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep._

She was cast in shades of blue, like the color of the sea – like the color of her eyes. Her skin was ghastly pale, as if the waters she’d been laid to rest in had washed the pink hue of life away. Her lips were chapped, faded, colorless – lifeless. Her clothes were soaked, yet she left no wet trail on the wooden floorboards. Her raven hair surrounded her face, messy and unkempt, yet bone dry.

“Milah.” Killian breathed as the sight before him pulled him from his dreamless slumber.

He had moved on – or so he believed he had. He hadn’t been visited by her for the last three nights, but tonight it seemed that she chose to appear again. But she looked different; she looked as if she had been affected by her final resting place. Every night prior to tonight when she had come to him, he had been met with the same face that he held close to his chest after her life had been stolen.

But tonight it was different.

Three nights had passed since he had chosen to have future instead of dwelling in the past. Since he had allowed Milah’s murderer aboard his ship, with no retribution - since he had betrayed the memory of his love.

She raised a single hand, her finger curling towards her – beckoning him from his bed. “ _Come to me Killian.”_ Her words rang with the sound of a dozen bells, filling his ears as if her voice was in there.

“Come where?” He questioned, throwing back the covers and rising from his bed. He numbly stepped towards her, but every step towards her pushed her a step further away. But as if he were still in a dream, he felt compelled to follow her.

“ _You’re going to be with me again, my love.”_ She drew out her words – like the songs of the ocean. It was hypnotic, melodic, enthralling. But it wasn’t her voice – her voice had always been rougher, stronger, with a power that was not this new, strange, powerful tone.

Yet it was as if he could do nothing except obey her. He followed her out of his cabin, onto the deck.

“Milah, where are we going?” The pirate questioned, his words tumbling from his lips, falling on deaf ears as he watched the visage step through the railing of the deck, hovering above the vast dark waters of Neverland.

“ _Have you missed me my love?_ ” Milah held her hands out before her, offering them to him. “ _If you come with me – leave all of this behind, you can be with me again. I know you have tried and failed to end your life before.”_

Killian paled at her words. “I thought I failed because it wasn’t my time.”

 He had new hope now, he was determined that he was meant for _more_ , but now – in his half asleep, half terrified  state – he wasn’t so sure.

“ _You have failed_ me _Killian._ ”

“No.” His heart ached at her words, his blue eyes softening with the pain that came from knowing he had failed her. “Milah – I’m trying to help them save _your_ grandson.”

The color around Milah flickered black at his words. “ _Do you think you deserve happiness?_ ”

Killian’s lips parted, no sound coming out as he stumbled over his answer. He hadn’t mentioned trying to move on – but it didn’t surprise him that she knew his intentions.

“ _Exactly_.” The chime of her voice had changed into a hiss. “ _You allow the man who killed me aboard your ship, revenge dropped for some woman._ ”

“You don’t understand!” Killian shouted at the ghost, his heart hammering in his chest as he stared intently at the figure that flickered dangerously at the rise in his voice. “I just want someone to _care_ about me. My revenge has left me alone for so long and I’m tired of the ghost that haunts my bed!”

“ _I’m tired of being dead._ ” She retorted briskly. The blue light was now thick black smoke that swirled around her legs, traveling upwards slowly.

“Your death was not my fault! I shouldn’t suffer because of it.” Killian cried out, shaking with anger and frustration. “I did all that I could but _nothing_ ever worked! You know that I was once a good man Milah, I loved and I cared and I yearned for the life that I was denied. But this –” He gestured between the two of them, “This revenge, it sates none of my desires. I exhausted all the efforts that could bring my revenge to a emd, but it was always undone. I’ve finally done something good! Something you would be proud of.”

“ _I’m proud of nothing you have done. You’re a coward like the man who killed me._ ”

Killian felt his knees give way then, hitting the deck before he could recognize that it was happening. “I’m not like him.” He couldn’t understand why she was doing this. He had done everything he could to try to kill the Crocodile, but it never worked – it was always undone, his crimes patched and forgiven. Working for the side he’d chosen had brought him honor – purpose. But here he was smacked across the face with the word _coward_ – a comparison to his own sworn enemy.

Killian bowed his head forward, “If I am as bad as he why does he get to move on Milah? Why does he get to _love_?” Tears burned his eyes and he struggled to keep his breath steady. “Why can’t I be loved? All I ever did was love you and my life was _ruined_ because of it. I have a second chance.”

“ _Do you really want_ this _?_ ”

Slowly he looked up, eyes widening as he was met with the sight of Emma, in the place of Milah, hovering just past the edge of the deck.

“ _Hook_?” The voice was no longer like the chime of bells, it rang loud and clear as Emma’s – even if he knew that the real Emma lay sound asleep in her bed. “ _Why did you come back for us?_ ”

Killian trembled as he stood up, “I wanted to be the good man for once.”

“ _You still failed_.” Emma laughed, a sound he’d never heard – a sound that felt inappropriate for her demeanor, in a moment like this. “ _You came back too late. You failed me, just as you fail everyone_.”

“We’re going to get your son back.” Killian stepped forward, unable to hold himself back. She was calling to him, a pull that he couldn’t fight. He was pressed against the railing of the deck as he spoke to her. “Please, please… I have made so many mistakes in the past that just for once I want to be accepted for them.”

“ _But, Hook, why would I want someone like you? Why would I want a monster like you?_ ”

“I am not a monster!” He shouted, his voice causing the specter to react, it lunged towards him, sweeping him off of his feet.

“Killian!”

The scream pierced the night – the only voice that felt _real_ as he found himself careening towards the black waters below. The icy water rushing around him, flooding his ears, smothering his oxygen, paralyzed him. Was the fight for life worth it? He was exhausted – exhausted from the _years_ of pain he endured, trying and failing again and again.

Perhaps this was an end.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”  Emma’s voice broke through the haze as he realized the tightening grip on his arm, was not death dragging him under, but Emma dragging him above the waves.

“Emma?” He tried to focus on her, but the darkness of the night and the water that clouded his eyes made it impossible. But he knew one fact – she was _real_. She wasn’t the specter that had dragged him over board.

“Yes it’s me you fucking moron.” The fact that she was pissed filled him with a certain pride that he couldn’t quite identify. The anger that radiated from her was different – new. She’d never truly been angry with him before. Not even after all of the awful things he’d done. She’d always been so cool and collected, masking her true feelings about it all.

“David, throw the rope down!” Emma shouted up at the deck, the rope dropping down in front of them a matter of seconds later. She passed it to Killian, pressing it into the palm of his hand. “Can you get up there?”

“Yes.” Killian coughed hoarsely, gripping the rope tightly. He stared at her, his heart hammering in his chest – and not because of everything that had just happened to him. “Em-”

“Save it.” She snapped coldly, teeth chattering as she waded to stay above the small waves that lapped against the hull of the ship.

He cringed at the sharp tone she used with him, letting his gratitude die on his lips as he began to climb up the knotted rope. The rope tightened below him and he knew she was following behind him – safe.

There were mermaids in this ocean – it wasn’t safe to be in it.

Killian hauled himself over the railing, collapsing onto the deck the moment he was over. He was soaked to the bone, shivering, and the ache in his chest wasn’t going to just go away. Blinking his eyes he looked up at the Prince who stood above him. “How did you know I was overboard?”

“Ask Emma.”

As if on cue, Emma climbed over the deck, with just as little grace as Killian had. Her eyes shot open, turning her head to look at the pirate. “Why does it matter? You’re alive.” She pushed herself up slowly, wiping her hand over her face.

“Em-”

“I’m going back to bed.” Emma snapped, holding her hand out for her father to help her to her feet. “I suggest you do the same.” She added, glancing over her shoulder at the pirate.

Killian scrabbled to his feet, trying to stop her from retreating from him. “You don’t understa-”

“I don’t care.” She met his eyes. “Get the fuck out of my way.”

David stepped in between the two of them, pushing Killian out of Emma’s away. “I’d listen to her, _mate_.”

Killian stared after her in confusion, blinking rapidly as he watched the door to their cabins close. “I just wanted to…. Thank her.” He turned to look at David, the confusion that was etched on his face was genuine.

“She’s going through a lot right now.” David explained, his tone softening when he surveyed the way the pirate looked about the whole matter. Something had shifted; he wasn’t as cocky, as sure of himself. “You’ve just caught her in a bad mood.”

“It’s late.” Killian inhaled deeply, “I can understand.”

“Goodnight Hook.” David offered, patting his shoulder briefly before he retreated from the deck.

She had called him Killian. He hadn’t even registered that she had until now. All of this time and she chose to call him it in a moment of panic, in a moment where he needed to hear that name to pull him from the nightmare – _His mind._

He was drowning in his thoughts, the past trying to overwhelm the future he could have. The future slipping through his fingers. 


	2. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song for this chapter is "No Light, No Light" by Florence + the Machine.

02: No Light, No Light: Breathe

_I never knew daylight could be so violent._

It had been nigh close to three hundred years since he had felt an ounce of shame and trepidation when he stepped outside of his quarters. He hung his head, eyes trained to the deck beneath his boots, as he strode towards the wheel. He could feel the Crocodile’s gaze on him, the Queen’s, the Charming’s, but not Emma. That was enough to draw his eyes upwards, flickering from face to face briefly.

She wasn’t there. And he had to move on from that fact.

“We’ll reach land within two days.” He spoke as firmly as he could manage, which was regrettably not as strong as it had been yesterday morning. “The damned bean put us out far from the shore.”

Regina sneered, “I thought this was the fastest ship in all of the realms, _Captain_.”

“Then clearly you know nothing of the legend of the Jolly Roger. Fastest in all realms, except for here.”

“In other words,” Emma came out from her cabin then, stepping up just behind Killian. “It can’t get us there fast enough.” She avoided his gaze, as she stepped past him, feeling it burning into her skin.

“We’ll get to your son Emma.” He said, firmer now. “If it’s the shadow that has him, I know what must be done.” Why wouldn’t she receive his warm words? He spoke to her as if she _mattered_ and he was met with steely gazes and cutting tones.

“Unless you jump overboard again.” She muttered beneath her breath, her arms crossing tightly across her chest.

He tensed, trying to push away the snide remark, but he couldn’t. Killian glared at her, his lips pressing into a thin line, “Keep acting like that and maybe we won’t get to your son.” He snapped, regretting the venom in his words the moment they hit the air. But, he couldn’t unsay them and he’d be damned if he let her see that her behavior hit him the way it did.

Emma flustered, but she turned her back to him, grabbing ahold of Mary Margaret’s arm and pulling her away from the group.

He had been met with less hatred, less anger, less cold gazes after he had spoken to her cruelly in the cell – after shooting Belle. But there he stood, a man changed by his actions – a man who came back despite wanting to only save himself for so many years and now he was met with everything he had wished to be met with before.

“Anyone else interested in snapping at me?” Killian retorted, with feigned amusement, but in his eyes there was anything but amusement. “I’ll be in my cabin if you want to a shot.” He made a grand show of leaving, a callous bow, his heels clicking as he turned away.

He had only ever cared about what he thought of himself, what he did that he would have to live with from day to day. But he had never felt like this, he’d never felt that he had to check himself for another person. Even years ago when Milah was aboard his ship … No, after last night he wasn’t going to let his mind drift back to those days. Those days were like poison to him now; polluting the chances that he had – or _chance_ if it had now passed him by – for a new start.

He _cared_ what Emma thought of him, he _cared_ about her in a way that was almost foreign to him. He had never been cared for, not truly. Yes, he and Milah had been in love, but not the way that he had always imagined himself falling in love. They were two independent forces, seeking something they found in each other. He had wanted to grow up and she wanted to lose herself in the years she had been denied. But the care was lacking.

The care _wasn’t_ lacking with Emma – or at least it hadn’t been until he’d fucked up.

It was as if he couldn’t breathe. Like the air had been ripped from his cabin, leaving him to flounder and heave for breaths that were denied of him. Just another aspect of _living_ that he was denied. He caved love, attention, care, acceptance, home – but he was denied them all.

In a flash of anger – at himself and himself alone – Killian swung his arm at the stack of books , the globe, and the rolls of maps that sat on his desk, sending them crashing to the floor in a clamor of the globe shattering and the books thumping against the floor.

“I-…” Killian turned at the voice, seeing Emma standing in the doorframe.

“ _Emma_.” His voice wavered, swallowing thickly as he stared at her. He looked down at the broken globe, instantly realizing that it was _the_ globe that was meant to help them find Henry. “No… no… Emma, please, you have to understand that I didn’t do this becau-.. I wouldn’t keep you from finding him.”

“Fix it.” She said, her voice hallow as she stepped inside, shutting the door slowly. “Fix it!” Her eyes were wide, her hands shaking. “ _Fix it._ ”

“I can’t.” He said lamely, staring down at the broken globe, unable to look up at her and see that pain in her eyes. Pain that he had caused her. _Unintentionally_. “Can I explain?” He wasn’t going to risk having her snap at him like she had on the deck.

“No.” Emma knelt down in front of the globe, fingers trembling as she picked up the curved shards. “How could you do this to _him_?”

“Please listen to me Emma,” Killian started, thankful that she didn’t cut him off this time. “I didn’t do this to hurt you or your son. Please don’t think this, please don’t believe that I would do that to _anyone_. I know what being abandoned feels like and I want _no one_ to feel that pain.”

She looked up at him, eyes filled with anger and sorrow and something that he had never seen in her eyes before. “I _can’t_ lose him.”

“You won’t.” Killian knelt beside her, reaching for her hand even when she tried to pull away. “You can fix this. You have magic.”

“I haven’t slept.” Emma’s gaze fell to his hold on her hand, then back to his face. “I can’t do anything like this. I can’t make my magic work when I feel like _this_.” It wasn’t just the exhaustion either; it was the anger – the frustration that was all aimed at him.

He inhaled – the first time he claimed a full breath since last night, “I have something.” He released her hand, standing up and moving to his desk. He threw open the drawers, searching through them. “Pixie dust.”  Killian showed her the small vile of golden, glimmering, dust. It had been there for _decades_ , unused and left for history.

He sprinkled a single pinch of the dust over the broken pieces of the globe, willing for it to work – to obey him. He wasn’t the person he once was anymore and he feared, that maybe just maybe, the dust would ignore him now. But nevertheless he muttered the words that were necessary, wishing for the globe to come together. Faith, trust, and pixie dust – it had been a long time since he’d ascribed to any of that. He’d lived a faithless, trustless life, that was void of the magic he knew as a boy. But it had all come back and the reason sat before him on the brink of tears, because she was now as lost as he had once been.

Before their eyes, cast in the yellowy glow of the pixie dust, the pieces came back together. Shattered fragments became whole pieces, mending back into the globe once again. The red light that signaled Henry’s location glowed again, as if he had never broken it.

“Why do you have that?” Emma questioned, running her fingers through the golden dust that lay on the floor before her.

“I’ve had it for a very long time,” His words were guarded as he turned his back, tucking the vile into the drawer again. “Why?”

Emma rose to her full height, feet planting firmly. “Because Neverland is not what the stories have said it is. _Captain Hook_ is not what the stories say he is. Why am I to believe that you didn’t steal that pixie dust from one of the pixies?”

“Why does it _matter_?” He growled, before rolling his shoulders, attempting to the drop entire conversation. “I fixed the globe. I’m sorry that I broke it.” Killian admitted quietly, keeping his eyes low as he carefully picked the globe up, sitting it on his desk. “I was angry.”

“You have _nothing_ to do be angry about.” Emma snapped her hands going to her hips. Her world was falling apart, more so with the addition of his antics, and he thought that _he_ could be angry?

Clearly he wasn’t going to be able to drop the anger in his voice. “Neither do you.” He gritted, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the blond. “I haven’t done a damned thing.”

He despised this. Yelling at her wasn’t what he wanted to do; it was far from what he actually wanted to do to her. He wanted to grab her, pull her close, and kiss her. But he doubted that he would get away with that without her father coming into his cabin making good on the promise to shoot his face off.

Emma shook her head, “You honestly don’t see it.” He was completely blind – oblivious – to what he did to her. “You don’t see how much this means to me.” Her brows knit together, lips pressing together, “You _came back_ you’re helping me find Henry. It means the world to me! I don’t want you to fuck this up because you can’t handle it.”

“Maybe I do see.” Killian snarled at her, eyes setting on hers, stepping dangerously close to her – so close that they could feel their breath against their skin. “Or maybe I just want you to get the fuck out of my cabin, _Swan_.”

Emma flinched at his words, eyes fluttering and her heartbeat speeding up. “Gladly _Hook_.” She stood her ground for a moment longer, her mind racing with thoughts and scenarios and actions that _couldn’t_ be played out. Not now and maybe not ever.

She had to think about her son, about finding him safe and sound – about getting back home. About coping. _Not_ about a pirate. She couldn’t think about him. If she thought about him, she would remember what she felt – the fear and the suffocating.

Emma had never felt fear like that before – panic that had ripped her awake. It felt like losing – _no_ that wasn’t a place she wanted to go with this. She had saved him, which was all that truly mattered. He was going to get her son back to her. That was all he was good for.

But it unnerved her that she couldn’t breathe last night. She couldn’t breathe until he could breathe.

 


	3. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song for this chapter "Everytime You Go" by Ellie Goulding .

03: Every Time You Go: Awake

_Wake me up, wake me up – stop my fall._

Emma tucked her hands beneath her pillow, rolling over onto her side, curling her knees into her chest. She couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t had a decent night of sleep since the day before everything went to hell. Losing Neal _again_ hadn’t affected her the same way that it had when she was seventeen, in fact – as awful as it was to admit – losing Neal had allowed her to finally move on. But, at the cost of her son’s happiness and now, perhaps, her son’s safety.

If she’d never agreed to go with Gold – to protect Killian Jones, no less – they would have never found Neal again and Henry would have never known that his father was still alive. Just so he could lose him. It was all _Hook’s_ fault at the end of the day. She could blame it all on him. Hell, he had even known Neal when he was a kid – known his _mother_.

She could blame it all on him, but if she did that – she was blaming herself just as equally.

“Mom?” Emma’s voice wavered, the word still so new to her – as new as the feelings that confused her. She was thankful that the small cabin only had room for her mother and herself. There was no way in hell that she could talk to Mary Margaret about _this_ if Regina were with them.

“Emma, hunny, what is it?” Mary Margaret sounded half asleep, but in the darkness of the cabin Emma could see her starting to sit up.

“The other night,” She started, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. Emma rested her chin on the top of her knees, “When Ki- _Hook_ went overboard.”

“Yes?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, pressing her forehead against her kneecaps now. It didn’t make sense – but at the same time, as strange as the whole thing was, she knew what it meant. She knew exactly what it meant. “I felt it.”

“ _Oh_.” Mary Margaret sounded awake now. Her feet hit the floorboards and she made her way across the room to join Emma on her bed. “What you’re telling me is that you… _felt_ what he felt?”

Emma nodded, leaning against her mother as her arms went around her. She needed this, she needed to feel like she had a mother to turn to – a friend. “I felt like I was drowning.” She ran her hand over her face, exhaling heavily. “I was asleep and then suddenly I felt like I was being ripped out of my bed – I don’t even know how to explain how that felt. But I just _knew_ that something was happening to Kil- _Hook_.” She kept slipping and saying his name, but if she kept his little colorful moniker, she kept up her wall. “I didn’t even think, I just dove into the water to save him the second I saw him go over.”

“Did _he_ try to do what I think he tried to do?” Mary Margaret questioned cautiously, worrying her bottom lip.

“I don’t know. He seemed so confused, like he’d been asleep.” Emma’s shoulder shrank. “If you’d asked me before all of this happened, I would have said he had jumped. He had a death wish – from the very start. But that’s not the man that came back.” Her voice cracked on those words, her expression crumbling. “He came back for _me_ mom.”

Mary Margaret hugged her closer to her, squeezing her tightly. “You’ve been through a lot lately Emma, I wouldn’t be so convinced of that fact. I don’t want you getting your hopes up.”

“You’re right.” Emma lied, forcing a smile that could barely be seen in the dark. “You’re right. After everything that’s happened why would he come back for me?” She had gotten the answer that she wanted, even without Mary Margaret confirming it. That little ‘oh’ of surprise had been enough to convince her of the fact.

In the stupidest ways he’d always come back, even if it hadn’t been for _her_ , he’d still come back. He came back time and time again, after they’d both done unsavory actions, but there was never hostility or anger. Not until he’d come back and they both knew _why_.

“I’m going to go back to bed now.” Emma said quietly, pulling away from her mother, wiping at her eyes to brush the sleep away. “I’m tired. I need sleep.”

“You’ve been through a lot in the past week.” Mary Margaret smoothed her hand over Emma’s hair before rising from her bed, moving back to her own. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night.” There was no way that she could sleep. If she hadn’t been able to sleep before, there was no way she was going to be able to sleep _now_. Emma fell back against her pillow, pulling the covers up around her with a heavy sigh.

She could see his face. That stupid fucking smile that had caught her off guard during their first little adventure up the beanstalk. He kept catching her off guard. Hell, he’d gotten through her walls in less than ten hours and learned things about her that she’d never told anyone else before. He was good – good in the same way that Henry had been with sneaking over her defenses.

Emma slipped out of bed once she heard Mary Margaret’s quiet snores, creeping across the cabin and slipping out into the corridor. She didn’t know what she was going to say to Killian about everything, but she couldn’t let this continue without at least knowing something about what he was feeling on the flipside of this.

“Regina… I.. I- what are you doing out here?” Emma flustered. It was late – she didn’t think anyone else would be awake at this hour. The back of her mind nagged at her about this – that she should turn back and go back to bed. She was going to get hurt again.

“I was _visiting_ the Captain.” The Queen flashed Emma a cruel smirk, her hands on her hips. “Does that bother you Emma?”

“No.” Emma swallowed thickly and the hostility she felt towards had set back in again. Of course Regina was in the Captain’s cabin, it would all make _perfect_ sense if they were up to something. “Why would it bother me?”

As Regina spoke, a sickening sweet smile spread over her lips. “Don’t worry Emma.” Regina leaned close, as if she were telling her a secret, “The Captain wasn’t interested in me. No matter how hard I tried.”

“What a _relief_.” Emma retorted coldly, crossing her arms across her chest. Did she believe her?

“Do you frequently slip out of your cabin in the middle of the night to see the Captain, Miss Swan?” Regina looked her up and down as she walked past her. “It would make so much sense if you have been.”

“I don’t know. Do you?” Emma quipped in response, narrowing her eyes as she stepped towards Killian’s cabin. She looked over her shoulder at Regina, waiting for her to head back towards her own cabin and vanish out of sigh completely.

She didn’t trust Regina any farther than she could throw her and though she _doubted_ that there was anything going on between the two, she didn’t entirely subscribe to her words as the truth. She was certain Regina would enjoy watching her fall, harder than anyone else would.

Emma didn’t bother knocking before she pushed open his door open slowly.

“I said _no_. What part of _no_ do you not fucking comprehend?” Killian snarled, turning around to face the doorway. His eyes widened and the anger dropped from his expression. “Emma?” He had been expecting Regina, but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not her.

“I guess that answers that.” Emma said, half to herself and half to him.

“Answers what?”

She shook her head, shutting the door behind her as she stepped into the room further. “I saw Regina leaving here and I assumed…”

“No.” Killian said quickly, not even allowing her to finish talking, “No. Unless you’ve forgotten that time I was keen on the idea of her dying. I still am” He arched a quizzical brow, stepping closer as she did. She wasn’t pulling away like before. “I see you’re not as pissed with me as you were yesterday.”

“I have had time to cool off.” Emma bit down on her bottom lip, crossing her arms across her chest – needing that barrier between them.

The silence between them dragged on for a long moment, watching one another before he finally started to speak.

“Do you believe in ghosts Emma?” Killian questioned, canting his head as he studied her face, looking for something – anything that could help him understand what he was feeling. But he wasn’t certain she understood either, so how would he?

“Cue Pirates of the Caribbean there.” Emma gave a short laugh, realizing quickly that the joke fell on deaf ears with him. He had no idea what really anything was in Storybrooke – or the real world for that matter. “Never mind.” She shook her head, “I guess I do.” She answered, meeting his too blue gaze. “I believe in Captain Hook and my parents being Snow White and Prince Charming, so why shouldn’t I believe in ghosts?”

Killlian opened his mouth to correct her – to ask her to call him Killian, but he stopped himself.   “If you’re willing to believe in ghosts, love, then I should tell you that a ghost is precisely the reason I went overboard.”

“A ghost?” Emma’s eyes widened as she stared at him, before her line of sight fell to his arm “ _Milah_.” She realized, just as she had on the beanstalk, that the name on the name on the tattoo was the cause for this.

“Aye.” Killian stroked his fingers over his jaw, turning his back on her as he gathered his thoughts. “Choosing to move on was clearly not the path she wanted me on.” He glanced over his shoulder, “She used you, you know.”

“Me?”

He gave a hollow laugh, “She couldn’t get me overboard using her own image, so she used yours. A very _mean_ you.” Killian pointed his finger at Emma as he turned around. “Only recently have you started being snippy with me.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at her, but a small smile curved her lips. “Well, I thought you were trying to kill yourself – did you expect me not to be angry with you?”

“I didn’t expect anything to be honest. I felt like the whole thing was a nightmare. One that I didn’t come out of until you were there in the water with me.” Killian paced then, breaking away from the hold he had on her gaze. He could lose himself quickly in her eyes. “None of it makes sense. Even to someone who spent a _very_ long time in Neverland.”

“You have no idea how much sense this doesn’t make.” Emma mumbled, chewing on her bottom lip hard enough that she could taste the metallic tang of blood. “What do you mean about Neverland?” She stepped into his line of view, cutting off the pacing that was making her antsy. “How long were you here?”

Killian met her eyes with a flicker of fear in his blue hues, “It’s a long story, lass – one that I’m not comfortable with.”

Emma nodded slowly, her gaze falling to the floor, not wanting him to see the disappointment. She didn’t know what she expected – she didn’t even know what was there to be honest. She just wanted _answers_ to everything. “Okay.” She lamely replied, shrugging her shoulders. She was warring with herself over everything. Did she tell him about what happened? About how she knew he was drowning? How she had _felt_ him drowning?

“K-… Killian.” This wasn’t the time for _Hook_ – this was a time for Killian, for the name that she said in her mind when she spoke to him. “When you were having your whole… episode with Milah – with the ghost or banshee or whatever it was, I-..” Oh, it sounded so stupid to admit this to him. She hadn’t even been able to admit it to her mother, so why should she be able to admit it to him? He was going to think she was crazy.

Just as she was about to confess to him what she had felt the whole ship suddenly lurched, sending her crashing into Killian. A second rock of the ship as he ground against something, causing the entire vessel to run, presumably aground, sent them both tumbling to the ground.

Despite what had just happened, Killian still managed to smirk up at her, amused by how she’d landed above him – draped out over him, “It’s about bloody time.” He winked at her, chuckling as she flustered, scrambling back to her feet.

“What the hell was that?” Emma questioned as they both headed towards the door. It could wait. _It could wait_.

“We hit ground.” Killian gave her a serious look, “But there is no ground here. I know this land like the back of my hand and there is _no_ ground here.” He pulled the door open, but she stepped in front of him. “What?”

She couldn’t not tell him. In this sudden haste perhaps he’d forget and they’d never have to talk about it again. But right now she _really_ needed to tell him, while she’d dropped enough defenses to let it out.

“I felt you drowning.” She admitted, inhaling sharply when his eyes met hers. Confusion, fear – pain and… _desire_.

“This isn’t the time Emma.” Killian said regrettably, unable – right now – to process what she’d just told him. It made sense, but he couldn’t run the risk that her admittance would put them in danger. “I should have told you more about Neverland.” He changed the subject quickly, stepping past her when she made room in the doorway. “The lost boys aren’t so friendly and they sure as hell don’t recognize me.”

“Recognize you?”

“You know….?” Killian trailed off as they headed onto the deck. “Captain Hook.”  But Emma knew he was lying – that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say to her.

“So we meet again.”

Killian placed himself in between Emma and the three boys, “Ah, if it isn’t Felix and his _charming_ lot of misfits.” A cruel smirk set over his expression and he side-stepped when Emma attempted to come side-by-side with him. “Stay back Emma.”

Felix came forward, pushing the hood from his head, “I had so hoped you’d be gone for good, _Hook_.”

“What can I say? I’m a masochist. I enjoy the marvelous bouts of cruelty that you lot cause with your little shadow.” Killian glanced back at Emma, ensuring that she was still behind him. “However we’re not here for matters concerning me.”

“And what _are_ you here for?”

Emma cut Killian off before he could speak, “My son. Someone took my son here. He’s not a lost boy – he’s not without a family.”

“We have no boy.” Felix said crisply, “No _new_ boys.”

“We _know_ that he’s-”

“Well mate,” Killian silenced Emma, “I’m terribly sorry we intruded. How about you and your mates shuffle off back to the island? I hear Mermaid Lagoon’s lovely his time of year.” Killian pressed his hand to Felix’s shoulder, marching him towards the bow of the ship where they’d come from. “It was really _lovely_ to meet up again, really.”

“The shadow wants _you_ as well.” Felix smirked at the Captain, his eyes flickering towards Emma as she followed them, wanting to hear what they had to say.

“I don’t want to talk about the shadow.” Killian said tensely, his entire body stiffening at the mention.

“We all know who you are _Hook_. It didn’t take us long to figure out after your last stop here.” The young man looked him up and down then, before holding his gaze. “It’s all in the eyes.” Felix laughed then, “Well, isn’t that something new. Is that a look that comes from being an adult?”

“Enough.” He snapped, shoving the man backwards, wanting him off of his ship _now_.

“I didn’t know that _pirates_ could love.” Felix pulled his hood back up over his head, taking ahold of the rope that was draped over the railing, sliding down it until he vanished into the darkness of the small boat beside the hull. The other two boys followed after him, silent but menacing as they cast both Killian and Emma parting glares.

“You should go back to bed Emma.” Killian hung his head, unable to look at her – unwilling to after what Felix had said.

“I can’t sleep now.” She tucked her hair behind her ears, “Besides, everyone’s going to be awake now.” Her hands went to her hips as she stared at him. She had to keep her thoughts focused on Henry – on getting him back, but it was hard when he was standing in front of her.

Emma wanted to kiss him. She wanted to turn his chin upwards, fingers brushing over the bristly cheeks and _kiss_ him. But right now wasn’t the time. It was never the right time – that was their problem. They kept meeting at the right place, but it felt like they were there on separate days – missing each other completely.

“I’m going to go tell everyone that it’s alright.” Emma turned away from him, but she was stopped when he grabbed her arm, pulling her back to face him.

“But it’s not alright Emma.” He finally convinced himself to meet her eyes, his tone sounding very serious. “It’s never going to be alright Emma. Sacrifices are going to be made.” His gaze flicked to her lips, staring longer than he should have – ready to throw away control and just lose himself in the moment.

“We always sacrifice _this_ to protect ourselves, don’t we?” Emma was perceptive, if nothing else.

Killian swallowed shakily, his hand sliding down her arm to her hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m not sacrificing _this_ to protect myself Emma, I’m sacrificing it because I’m part of _something_.” He forced a smile, one that almost, _nearly_ , met his eyes. “That’s what you do when you’re part of something, isn’t it? You sacrifice your own happiness for someone else?”

“No.” Emma shook her head, her other hand coming up to touch his cheek. She was a breath away from kissing him, but she held back. “That’s what you do when you’re part of a _family_.”

He started to lean in – started to kiss her – lips almost brushing, breath dancing, skin tingling, but they were forced to pull away when they heard the creak of the door leading to the corridor began to open.

He awoke something inside of her – something new and frightening, but _wanted_. She wanted it because she knew she couldn’t have it. She _could_ , but it felt like a greedy decision if she did. She would just have to deal with being awake and unable to find rest now. 


	4. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song for this chapter “I Was the Man Who Never Lied” by Maroon 5.

04\. Dark Paradise: Truth

_But I just couldn't break your heart like you did mine yesterday._

Emma ran her finger over the spines of the books on the bookshelf, admiring the way the smooth leather felt beneath her fingertips. It reminded her of what the leather Killian was clad in felt like. The worn, smooth leather that had been around for a very, _very_ , long time. That was another dead end, in her mind, the issue of who Killian was _already_ to the whole situation. Milah had been with Killian once upon a time and Milah was _her_ son’s grandmother. That connection was strange, but at the same time it made sense to her. Like the connection was _almost_ right, but they were a few centuries and a realm apart. Even the situations had been similar – a mother, a son, a father who ran.

“It was three hundred years ago.”

“What?” Emma turned around, her eyes widening at the words that Killian had spoken. “How did you-…?”

“Gut reaction.” Killian said with a hearty chuckle, scratching at his throat. “I was just standing outside the door and… that’s what came to me.” He met Emma’s eyes, catching the glimmer of fear there in her blue-green gaze. “Lucky guess, eh?”

“Something like that I guess.” Emma’s voice wavered and she turned back to look at the books, tilting her head to read the titles along the spines. “Are you ever going to tell me what we’re going to be facing on the island?”

Killian sighed heavily, coming to stand beside her, idly looking at the books as she did. Not really paying attention to the volumes in front of him, but watching her from the corner of his eyes. “Well… Forget anything you know from your little variation in your world.”

“It was my favorite book.” Emma said with a hint of amusement in her tone, her brows shooting upwards. “It was kind of a big surprise when Captain Hook _wasn’t_ old and lecherous.”

“His name’s not Killian Jones in your story either, is it?”

“No.” She shook her head, “He’s James Hook.” She glanced at him, crossing her arms across her chest. “You’re not _the_ Hook are you?”

“Not entirely, no.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, “Emma…” Killian pressed his lips together, stopping himself as he turned to look at her. He shook his head, unable to tell her. That was a secret that he couldn’t let her know – he wasn’t prepared to own up to it. “Neverland is extremely dark.”

“That’s not what you wanted to say.” Emma narrowed her eyes, stepping closer to him, that flicker of a challenge in her gaze. “What is it Killian?”

The pirate shook his head, his shoulders sagging in defeat. “I _can’t_ tell you Emma. I can hardly tell myself about it, much less you.” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “Hell, I can’t even look back to that part of my life without feeling… ill.” Killian tensed when her hand came to rest over his, the warmth that radiated from her was closer now – and so was she. “Emma.”

“Shut up.” Emma snapped back in response, though it wasn’t in anger – no, it was far from in anger. “I don’t care what your past is Killian, I hope you understand that. I have a past, one I’d _really_ like to forget, but it made me – me.” She shrugged her shoulders, holding his gaze. “I care about who you are.”

Killian’s heart fluttered at that. She _cared_. “That’s all I want.” He whispered, pulling his hand away from hers, turning so that his back was to her. He stepped away from her and the shelf of books, walking towards his desk. “What were you doing in here anyways Emma?”

Emma’s hands were on her hips as she watched him, “I don’t answer to the back of peoples’ heads.”

“Aren’t we full of piss and vinegar?” Killian chuckled, glancing over his shoulder at her. “You know, what you said this morning – about feeling the whole drowning episode?”

“Yeah?”

“That worries me.” He leaned against his desk, staring across the cabin at her. “Because there are things that might have to occur on the island that… you might feel.” Killian’s voice was serious as he watched her carefully, catching the way her expression betrayed her – the fear and the worry that was there _for him_.

“Are you telling me that you’re going to risk your life and I’m going to feel it?” Emma’s gaze fell to the floor, a sudden well of emotion rising up in her that she didn’t understand. “Can you not?”

“I don’t even know if you’ll actually feel _anything_. Emma, the drowning thing could have just been some… trick. There are sirens, there are mermaids, there are forces that might have latched onto our-”

“Feelings?” Emma quipped, walking towards him slowly. “They might have what? Latched onto the feelings we have for one another and used that against us?” She arched a brow, holding his blue gaze. “ _Killian_ … We both know exactly what it was.”

“We shouldn’t.”

“You yourself said that it was _three hundred years ago_.”

Killian rolled his eyes, “That is not why we shouldn’t.”

Emma dropped her arms, giving him an exasperated look, “I don’t give a fuck about your past here in Neverland Killian. And you sure as hell are not risking your life either.” She stepped towards him further, “I don’t care if you’re Captain Hook or the worst man that’s ever lived – or hell I don’t care if you’re Peter Pa-”

Killian took her by surprise, catching her wrist with his hook, pulling her towards him. He wasn’t going to let her talk about _him_. He didn’t want that name on her lips – he didn’t want those memories to come back to him. He cupped her cheek, drawing her in and pressing his lips to hers. He hadn’t intended to kiss her, he hadn’t intended to let it reach this point, even if it was the one thing that he _longed_ to feel.

It took her all of a second before she gave into the kiss, her fingers slipping into his dark hair, fingertips pressing against his scalp, holding him where he was. She tilted her chin, lips hungrily meeting his. The intensity was there, the desire and the need that had been pulsing between them since they boarded the ship – since _long_ before that.

But the unfortunate aspect of a kiss like that – the hunger, the passion, the raw need – was the need to breathe. Neither wanted to pull away, but the screaming in their lungs demanded it.

“Wow.” Emma said, flustered and breathless as her chest heaved as she caught her breath. “I-…wow.” She brushed her thumb over his bottom lip; still in awe that _that_ had just happened. Out of nowhere.

“Emma, love…” Killian rested his hand on her hip, his eyes flickered between her lips and her eyes. “We shouldn’t do this.” His heart ached when he watched her expression fall.

“Let go of me.” Emma’s hand went to her his, prying it from her hip, pushing him away from her. “I want you to stop with this game Ki-…” She could call him Hook – she could put the final barrier up between them, but she _couldn’t_. “You came back for me and I thought it would be different.”

“It _is_ different Emma.” Killian grabbed her arm again, willing her to not pull away this time. “All that I’ve ever wanted was to be part of a family. I _almost_ had that with Milah and I _almost_ had it with Bae.”

“Then why are you pulling away from _actually_ having it this time?”

“Because.” Killian’s hand went to her cheek and he gave the faintest smile when she leaned into his touch. “I realize what being a family means. It means being willing to sacrifice yourself for those you care about, Emma. I’ll admit it, I don’t know your son, but I know _you_ and I’ve seen with my own eyes what he means to you. I know what I will have to do in Neverland, I know what I’ll have to sacrifice.”

“I don’t want to lose you too Killian.” Emma covered his hand with hers, her eyes closing. “I want you to stay right where you are. I’m tired of everyone doing things for _me_. Making sacrifices for _me_. Why can’t we work together? We’ll get my son back if we do that – just the same as if you do something stupid.”

“ _He_ has Henry Emma.” Killian said firmly. “And the _real_ Captain Hook was James Hook.” He stroked his thumb over the curve of her cheek. “And sometimes Lost Boys grow up to be pirates. You’re a perceptive lass, I’m certain you could guess the truth. Easily – if you believe.”

Emma’s eyes widened, “You wanted me to _trust_ you.”

“Aye.”

“I needed to have _faith_ in you.”

“Right you are, lass.”

“You…” Her voice wavered, “You have _pixie dust_.”

Killian chuckled, an almost boyish sound in his voice, “You’re incredibly close, love.” He pressed his fingers to his lips, “But don’t say it aloud. That’s a truth I’d rather not own up to, until I have to.”

“The shadow is you.” Emma could have sworn her heart stopped beating in that moment, but the thump of her pulse in her ear told her otherwise. “The shadow that the Lost Boys spoke of – that’s _you_.” She squeezed his hand, “Why don’t they recognize you?”

“I grew up.” Killian shook his hook in her line of sight, “The pirate thing does wonders with people forgetting who you are.”

“Well then.” Emma said, her lashes fluttering as she thought over everything he’d just said to her. The _truth_. “I-… wow.” She laughed with a shocked expression still. “I just kissed-” She widened her eyes for emphasis – knowing that he didn’t want the name said. “My childhood is sort of screaming.”

A genuine smile spread over his face, his blue eyes lighting up with a glimmer that she hadn’t seen since the beanstalk. And for a moment, he was able to forget all the ‘should’s and ‘shouldn’t’s. Killian leaned in, pressing his lips to hers again, his tongue swiped over her bottom lip, seeking entrance that she quickly granted.

Her fingers smoothed over the leather of his coat, the leather that felt so similar to the leather of the books she’d been stroking before he entered the room.

It could have gone further – they both knew that they were perfectly capable with pushing this right to the edge. The desk was already digging into the backs of her jean clad thighs, his hand was already slipping beneath the hem of her shirt. But it didn’t – it _couldn’t_.

“Oh my _God_!” Mary Margaret gasped loudly when she pushed the door open.

“Does no one fucking knock on this ship?” Killian pulled away from the blond quickly, but he knew that her mother had seen them – because there was no way you could walk in, say that, and not have seen that he had her pressed against his desk with his hand up her shirt and his lips pretty much becoming one with hers.

Emma gaped, completely dumbfounded and unable to come up with a decent answer, or statement, for what her mother had just seen. “There’s a door… shut.” She cringed, straightening her shirt and giving Killian a look. “What do you want Mary Margaret?”

“I forgot.” Her mother gave as an answer, backing out the door. “I’m sorry!” Her voice was a high pitched little squeak, the shock of the whole ordeal quite evident, as she pulled the door shut quickly.

Killian was leaning against the desk, rubbing his fingers over his lips as he tried, _hard_ , not to laugh at what just happened. “You’re a hell of a kisser, less.”

Emma rolled her eyes, slapping his arm. “Shut up.” She tucked her hands into her jean pockets, rocking on her heels. “I should probably go…”

“Probably wise.” He shook his head, “It’s probably a good thing that she came in. It’s kept us from… making a mistake.”

She didn’t think it was a mistake and it was clear by the looks in _both_ of their eyes, that it wasn’t a mistake. But it wasn’t the right time. Nothing was ever the right time for them.

But she knew the truth now and it didn’t hurt.

At least it didn’t hurt _yet_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song for this chapter “Home” by Phillip Phillips.

05\. Dark Paradise: Blow

_Settle down it’ll all be clear, don’t pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear._

Killian sat despondent in his chair, watching as Regina and Rumple argued over the map draped over his desk. He seemed to be attentive to their conversation, but in reality his thoughts were all internal, focused on what had occurred scarcely three hours beforehand. With Emma. His lips still tingled from where hers had been, his hand still warm from where it had slid along her waist.

“ _Gods_.” He swore under his breath, running his fingers through his hair.

Gold looked up from the map, “Did you say something Hook?”

“Nothing that involves you.” Killian retorted curtly, narrowing his eyes. “Where’s Swan?”

“She,” Regina started, clasping her hands together in front of her, “Was last seen looking _quite_ distraught in her cabin. Do you know something about this?”

“Her son’s missing, how do you expect her to be?” Killian deadpanned, glaring at the Queen. “You’ve been nothing but chipper the whole while that we’ve been on this little voyage. You’re certainly _mourning_ the loss of your son, aren’t you?” He rose to his feet, his shoulders hunched forward, his expression like that of an angered feline. His muscles were taught, lips pressed together, poised as if ready to attack.

“Down boy.” Regina chuckled, waving her hand in disinterest. “Not all of us wear our hearts on our sleeves. _Though_ ,” Her lips curved upwards in a smirk, “I suppose hearts are a bit of a weak spot for you, aren’t they?”

Killian clenched his jaw tightly, resisting the urge to draw his sword and strike at the Queen to silence her. Instead he glared, with looks to kill. He inhaled deeply, imagining that Emma were there in the cabin, ready to calm him. He ran his hand over his upper lip, still able to catch the faintest scent of her shampoo on his fingers from where they’d tangled into her blond mess of hair.

“You can plan your course of action all you like,” He sneered at Gold, “But, the fact of the matter is that _neither_ of you know enough about Neverland to survive. Familiarize yourself, but you need me.” He honestly didn’t care what happened to either of them, so long as they got _Emma’s_ son back.

“If you’re so keen on getting this over with, Hook, why don’t you go and alert the others?” Rumplestiltskin questioned, drumming his fingers against the table.

“I think I’ll do just that.” Killian flashed a cocky smile, before giving a curt bow and retreating from his cabin, out onto the deck to find Emma and her parents. He had to face Neverland, sooner or later and for Henry’s sake it would have to be sooner.

* * *

It was dark. Impossibly dark. The wind howled, bowing the palm trees into painful arches, nearly doubling them over completely. The stars above seemed dull in comparison to the stars that they were familiar with back in Storybrooke. Everything seemed darker, duller, and crueler here.

“This isn’t what I imagined.” Emma’s eyes drank in the sights around her, getting her bearings as the clambered up the sandy dunes of the beach, beneath the eerie glow of the moon. She stared to lose her footing, but Killian’s hand found her back and supported her.

“It used to be a different place.” Killian assured her, the warmth of his smile taking her by surprise. When they’d got off the ship, he’d seemed as lifeless as Neverland appeared to be, but now, he seemed somehow different. Just from looking at her. “It was full of life and wonder.”

“What happened?” Emma questioned, brushing the sand from her knees. She could feel her mother’s eyes on her – watching them. She’d avoided that conversation, pushing it aside for _later_. Unwilling to admit, to anyone, that what had _almost_ happened could never happen again. The tension was even worse now.

“The shadow.” Killian returned ominously, his eyes widening, knowing that least she would understand what he meant. And she did. It made sense. If Peter Pan left, Neverland would have to change in some aspect. Clearly it had.

Regina stepped between them, hands on her hips as she looked around the barren coast line. Her lips were pressed firmly together, a scowl creasing her brows. “You’re certain that Henry’s somewhere out there.”

“I surely am.” Gold interjected, casting a cold glare to Killian when he attempted to speak. “I used the very same globe to find my son.” His eyes flickered to Emma, “With the help of Miss Swan, of course.”

“Yeah,” Emma said blandly, tucking her hands into her jean pockets, stepping away from Killian. “I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” She gave Gold a tightlipped smile, ducking her head as she walked past him towards Mary Margaret.

“What was the ultimatum I used? _Ah_ , yes. ‘Come with me or I’ll kill Hook’? We all have our weaknesses, don’t we Miss Swan?” Gold chuckled, a sinister sort of chuckle, as he stepped aside as the blond past him. “I’m going to assume that Hook doesn’t know that his life was my bargaining chip?”

Emma swallowed thickly, pushing past the sudden well of emotion that rose up in her throat. She turned on her heels to face the Dark One. “My _only_ weakness is currently somewhere out there.” She nodded her head towards the thick gathering of trees before them, cringing when she caught sight Killian moving out of the corner of her eye. She couldn’t tell if her words had bothered him, but if she knew him at all, she knew that he was upset. It was no different than what he had said to her in the cell, to hurt her the way he’d been hurt by her. They were both hurt and that was their problem. They _cared_ when they were hurt. Especially when they hurt each other.

Killian cleared his throat, drawing attention back to him. “Perhaps we should focus on the matters at hand.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, inhaling deeply before he began to speak. “A friendly reminder for while you’re here in Neverland,” His voice lacked the inflection and tone that it typically took on, his expression was drawn – tired, even. The glint of enthusiasm that always twinkled in his eyes was gone. Dull and expressionless. “The land of the Lost Boys, mermaids and sirens that will drown you and pixies that’ll slit your throat without a second thought.”  He looked to Emma, needing bolstering, needing assurance. All of the things she’d once been able to give him with the slightest look.

But that didn’t help. Looking at her now only sought to remind him of what he couldn’t have. Where he once could only imagine what it would feel like to kiss her, he now knew what it felt like. He knew what her soft, warm, lips felt like pressed against his. He knew what her weight felt like in his arms. The tension hadn’t lessened at all, in fact it had grown. The need for her, the want, was so much worse now.

Emma met his eyes, her lips mouthing out two little words, ‘ _I lied_.’ His brows creased in confusion, searching her eyes for the answer. But the answer didn’t come.

“We should split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.” David interjected, looking between his daughter and the pirate.

“I’ll go with Hook –”

“No. I’ll go with Gold, you go with your mother,” He gave Emma a pointed look, “Regina and Ho–”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Emma rolled her eyes. Was this what being a teenager felt like? Being told who you could and could not go out with?  “Hook knows this land better than _any_ one of us. If anyone’s going to be going with him, it’s going to be me.”

Regina smirked at Emma, “Are you worried that I’ll be the one to save _my_ son? That I will be the hero in his eyes?” She laughed, her eyes alight with cruelty. “Don’t worry; I won’t _use_ Hook too much.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” Emma snapped, crossing her arms across her chest. She needed to back down before she placed herself any further between a rock and a hard place. Her shoulders shrugged forward, her hair falling from behind her ears. “Fine, whatever. I’m not fighting over who’s going with who.”

“If I _might_ , interject.” Killian stepped forward, holding his hands up in mock surrender, “Excuse me.” He gave David a cocky grin before turning to face the others. “Groups might cover more ground, but I can guarantee you that you won’t be seeing the rest of your party if you split up.”

“Hook’s right.” Emma agreed, shooting both of her parents frustrated glares. “We need to stick together. Greg and Tamara are somewhere out there too. We don’t know what we’re facing.” She glanced over her shoulder at Hook, the faintest smile on her lips when she met his too blue gaze. “Do you know where we’re going?”

“Skull Rock. The shadow will be there and so will the boys.” Killian spoke with a degree of warmth in his voice, something that he was certain only Emma picked up on. They were still _his_ boys, even if he was no longer the one in charge, or the one they remembered. He was proud of them, even if he had failed them.

Emma grabbed her mother’s arm as they started to follow Killian. “You told David didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you expected me to do.” Mary Margaret gave her an exasperated look, a shaky laugh escaping her lips. “I walked in and you two were… What do you think you’re doing Emma?”

“I think I’m walking right now.” Emma retorted bluntly, rolling her eyes.

“ _Emma_.” She was getting far too good with the motherly tone. “He’s Captain Hook, he’s a pirate… You’re grieving.”

“I’m not grieving Neal’s death.”

“You protest too much.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at that, her lips parting as she gave Mary Margaret an incredulous look. “I protest because Neal screwed my life over. Why would I want to go back to someone who sent me to jail?”

“Oh, and Hook is so much better?”

“Actually…” Emma looked ahead of them, watching the back of Killian’s head. “Yes.” She could have said no, lied, and been done with it. But she’d already lied once today – saying that her _only_ weakness was Henry. That wasn’t true. Her other weakness was right in front of her.

“You’ve been through a lot…”

“Oh my God.” Emma groaned and ran her hand over her face, keeping her voice low as she spoke. “You‘ve told me before that you can _feel_ David. Right?”

“Yes… but what does that have to do with Hook?” Mary Margaret’s brows shot upwards when she realized what her daughter was telling her. “The drowning thing…”

Emma nodded, pressing her lips together, falling silent. None of it was going to be explored. Emma knew what sort of man he was – determined, much like her own father. She knew that David had nearly died protecting her when Regina’s men had attacked the castle – that much she knew from the book. And Killian was no different. Whatever he was going to have to do to save Henry for her, had every possibility of bringing his death.

“He fits into our family so well.” Emma smiled, tilting her head to look at Mary Margaret. “Back at the beanstalk… I knew _that_ and I freaked out. I was afraid to feel something like this-.. that.” She inhaled sharply, “But he broke through those walls of mine you used to talk about. And he’s still here.”

Mary Margaret gave her an uncertain smile, “When we’re done with all of this… Once Henry’s safe and we can think about all of this, remind me to tell you something about your nursery.”

“Okay…?” Emma arched a curious brow, before letting it drop. She vividly remembered the ruined room that they had found in the Enchanted Forest, but she didn’t understand what that room had to do with this. “Being cryptic is always super reassuring.”

“Now’s just not the time.” Mary Margaret smiled at Emma, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “It’s not bad, I promise. Don’t worry.”

“A wise word,” Killian brought the group to a halt, turning around to face everyone again. “There _are_ cannibals here on the island. Or at least there were when I was first here.” He met Emma’s eyes briefly, before turning to look at everyone else as he spoke. “Be wary and stay _close_.” He stared at Emma then, “I can’t have you trailing behind the rest of us.”

“Aye aye _Captain_.” Emma retorted sarcastically, striding forward until she was on the same plane as him. “Better? Or do you want me leading the group now?” She questioned, her lips twitching upwards.

“You lead, I’ll follow.” Killian flicked his tongue over his bottom lip, forgetting for a moment that they weren’t alone. “Even if it’s right into the mouth of a crocodile.”

Her breath caught in the back of her throat, her heart fluttering beneath her breast as she stared at him for what felt like an eternity. It was nothing new. There were times like this before. When their eyes met and it felt like they were the only two in the world. The kiss hadn’t changed that.

“Right,” He started, snapping back into the moment. “I’m the only one who knows where we’re going.” That cocky, smug, smirk was plastered to his lips again – a clever façade. “After me.” Killian winked at Emma before stepping off again, bringing them deeper into the forest.

The wind still howled, bending the tops of the trees, sending leaves whirling past their feet, making their hair blow in front of their eyes. There was a storm coming for them. Or at least for one of them. 


End file.
